I’ve said previously on this blog that as a worship leader you are most likely the second most popular reason people leave the church, behind the pastor. You may be the first, depending on how lucky you are. I’ve also said that fact is the thing I dislike most about being a worship leader. It comes with the territory of being in ministry but it doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable.

My first experience in this was when I was leading worship at a Vineyard my dad pastored. I was probably only 15 at the time and I wore a hat backwards on this particular day(lame I know). The couple approached my father and relayed how offended they were that I’d were a hat in service and vowed never to return. 15 years later and hearing people leave because of me, my music, or my expression still hurts. I hate hearing it.

Now I’m an elder and worship pastor at a Reformed Charismatic church in the A29 network and I get to hear this from both sides. We are probably the most expressive in our worship of the A29 churches in Phoenix. Lots of hands lifted, tears, clapping, shouting, people on their knees, that kind of thing. We play long and loud worship sets with the lights down. So you’d think this would be fine for Charismatic types right? Well we sing about the cross a lot, we re-arrange hymns, we try and make sure everything is Christ centered and doctrinally sound. We don’t play Jesus is my boyfriend songs and we don’t let people run around crazy with banners and shouting in tongues. So for a lot of Charismatic types, they think we don’t “operate in our gifting” or that we stifle the gifts somehow.

Then the reformed guys that look us up on the A29 site come and see our club looking building, hear the really loud music, see the emotional expressiveness and they get uncomfortable really fast. We haven’t really had one of those A29 families stick in our church and it’s primarily due to me and the music. They love the preaching and teaching, they hear the gospel, but the music just pushes them to a level of uncomfortableness that they just can’t get past.

The temptation for me here is to grow callous and have a “this is the way it is, take it or leave it” attitude. And while I believe that is true to an extent(I’ll explain that below), I want my heart to be soft and my tactics malleable. In practice that means I am constantly evaluating why we do music the way we do, listening to the critique and searching scripture and praying for direction in how we worship musically. There is however some truth to this “being the way it is” and all I mean by that is, God has gifted me and our band in certain ways, gave us a conviction and sent us on mission. We didn’t arrive at that by taking a community poll, but rather by praying to Jesus and having him reveal it. So at some level, yes, this is who we are and I know it won’t appeal to everyone, maybe not even most. But I also know I and the church are still growing in many areas and we have a lot to learn. So when people leave and point to me, I want that to sting, I want to take it to Jesus and see if there’s anything I could have done differently or better.

Recently though a family visited who had found us through A29 and after meeting with the family the father said this to me(paraphrasing), “I loved that the gospel was preached and we felt at home right when we walked in, everyone was so kind. But honestly the worship made me very uncomfortable.” At this point I’m thinking, oh no, I know how this is going to end. But then he surprised me and said, “But I felt comfortable in my uncomfortableness, because it was all Christ centered. I want to thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone.” To be honest I’ve never heard that kind of encouragement from traditional reformed that visit our church. I was so blessed and humbled by this family’s example of love for Jesus and the gospel that all they needed was for it to be Christ centered and they were comfortable amidst a musical style and degree of expressiveness that made them uncomfortable.

I pray that God would keep me humble and sensitive to His direction in how we worship musically. And that God would protect my heart from bitterness and pride when I hear critique or people leave the church because of me. Not easy or fun stuff, by I’m thankful for it.

Worship leaders, how are you effected and how do you process someone walking out the door with their finger pointed at you?

As some of you may or may not know, I am currently looking for work and have been for the past month. This is the second year in a row I’ve been jobless over Thanksgiving and now possibly Christmas. Last year was extremely difficult for me, but God was faithful and through that season I learned so much. I feel better prepared this time around, though unemployment is still not enjoyable, I know God is in control.

Before I go any further I feel I must say, there are many people in far worse situations than I. My intention is not to draw attention to myself, but hopefully encourage those struggling with unemployment as I know many who are. Even inside of A29 recently 2 stories have brought my suffering into harsh context, Matt Chandler’s brain tumor and the suicide of A29 pastor Thomas Young. Locally in Phoenix the McRae’s are still battling brain cancer with their daughter Kate. So please, pray for them and their families. Here was my prayer to Jesus this morning that hopefully may encourage others who find themselves in a similar position.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment,
for we brought nothing into this world,
and we cannot take anything out of the world.
But if we have food and clothing,
with these things we will be content.”

Jesus I am content with You.
Though much has been lost
and my mind worries about provision,
I know You are good and all I need.

I pray that you’d put my spirit at ease
and my mind at rest
You have never forsaken me,
never left me alone.
You are my creator, sustainer and eternal hope.

I pray for my family,
that you would give them peace and trust,
and your love for them would be a shelter.
During this Christmas season I pray for my children.
God that they’d treasure you as their Savior above all,
give me grace and wisdom in how to father them.

Finally I pray that you’d open doors for me.
Give me wisdom on what jobs to apply for.
Grant me favor in the eyes of hiring managers.
I ask these things with all humility.
Never the less, not my will but yours be done.

Amen.

This has been a big week for many reasons, all of which I’ll blog about. But one of the simpler ones to blog about is my church‘s entrance into full Acts 29 membership. The A29 blog just published an article introducing us to the network. I’m really excited to be joining the network, there are so many pastors, worship leaders and friends here that I respect.

As far as worship music goes, we do things differently than most A29 churches I know. That’s fine for us and I don’t expect any issues with that. A29 is a pretty diverse organization with a lot of different kinds of churches. We are a Reformed-Charismatic church, reformed in theology, non-cessationist, holy spirit believing, gift empowered body of believers that sing our guts out to loud, thumping, worship music. We are a creative bunch, that use lots of video, “concert” lighting, text messaging Q&A, twitter to organize our home groups, podcasting, vodcasting, live loops…  We’re in downtown Phoenix, in a rough neighborhood that frequently has police helicopters circling our building during night meetings. My point is we aren’t your grandparent’s reformed church.

But then again…we are complementarian, we are firm believers of sola scriptura, we love Piper, Chandler, Driscoll, Keller and many of us are 4.5 point calvanists. (Not a typo, that’s 4 and a half) We practice church discipline, are introducing formal membership, preach the cross relentlessly and by that I mean the rugged cross, penal substitutionary atonement, propitiation and expiation.

We’re a crazy bunch of misfits for sure, but we have deep conviction about what we do and who we are in Christ. We’re excited to team up with the group of A29 churches here in Phoenix and share the gospel with the lost and hurting. I pray this opens new doors for our church and that we’re able to reach more people for Christ.