As some of you may or may not know, I am currently looking for work and have been for the past month. This is the second year in a row I’ve been jobless over Thanksgiving and now possibly Christmas. Last year was extremely difficult for me, but God was faithful and through that season I learned so much. I feel better prepared this time around, though unemployment is still not enjoyable, I know God is in control.

Before I go any further I feel I must say, there are many people in far worse situations than I. My intention is not to draw attention to myself, but hopefully encourage those struggling with unemployment as I know many who are. Even inside of A29 recently 2 stories have brought my suffering into harsh context, Matt Chandler’s brain tumor and the suicide of A29 pastor Thomas Young. Locally in Phoenix the McRae’s are still battling brain cancer with their daughter Kate. So please, pray for them and their families. Here was my prayer to Jesus this morning that hopefully may encourage others who find themselves in a similar position.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment,
for we brought nothing into this world,
and we cannot take anything out of the world.
But if we have food and clothing,
with these things we will be content.”

Jesus I am content with You.
Though much has been lost
and my mind worries about provision,
I know You are good and all I need.

I pray that you’d put my spirit at ease
and my mind at rest
You have never forsaken me,
never left me alone.
You are my creator, sustainer and eternal hope.

I pray for my family,
that you would give them peace and trust,
and your love for them would be a shelter.
During this Christmas season I pray for my children.
God that they’d treasure you as their Savior above all,
give me grace and wisdom in how to father them.

Finally I pray that you’d open doors for me.
Give me wisdom on what jobs to apply for.
Grant me favor in the eyes of hiring managers.
I ask these things with all humility.
Never the less, not my will but yours be done.

Amen.

My mother purchased this nice little Griffin wireless sound system for her iPod (Evolve). Unfortunately the dock connector broke rendering it pretty much useless. Mom talked with Griffin and their spectacular customer support said. “We’ll replace it. Just destroy the base unit and send us the pics.” Say no more Griffin, these are the kinds of tasks mother’s have sons for. I was born for this, the upward calling of destruction.

I want to get you guys involved, what kind of ideas do you have for destroying it? Set it on fire then drown it, then beat it with a crappy windows laptop? Let’s have it folks, the most creative (workable) idea wins. I’ll document the destruction and give credit where credit is due.

Comment with ideas.

I saw some tweets from Brian Wurzell, Worship Director at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship talking about an urgent prayer request for a family in their church who has a 5yr old daughter currently in Phoenix Children’s Hospital about to go into brain surgery. She has a very rare and aggressive form of cancer that is being operated on today. I do not know them personally, but they are just down the road from me and my heart goes out to them and certainly ask that you join me in lifting up your prayers for their precious baby girl.

For updates you can follow Kate’s dad on twitter @aaronmcrae or visit Kate’s website.

I was sitting on my porch talking Jesus with a dear friend of mine who’s in a real life struggle. He turned and asked me a simple question that struck me as deeply profound, he asked “Why do you follow Jesus? Why?” See my friend, let’s call him Steve, knows how hard this life is as a disciple of Christ, I could hear the pain of that question in his voice. His entire walk has been a battle, a war in the trenches. It was as real of a life/ministry/discipleship moment I think I’ve had.

I had to really search my heart for an answer. My answer in short was, “Because God’s grace has impacted me to the point where I see and desire no other way. There aren’t any other options.” Really that’s what it’s boiled down to. I serve, follow and love Jesus because his grace has chased me down, replaced my heart and now I see my life in context to how it fits in and serves his kingdom. I love how Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 15:10

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace towards me was not in vain.”

As Steve’s follow up questions probed deeper, “Why do you sacrifice for this? Why allow yourself to be broken?” it became clearer and clearer that my life makes no sense outside of grace.

I don’t know why I’d sacrifice as much as I have, why I desire God to break me down, it’s just crazy really. There is no logic behind it, there is no formula, there is no global earthly reward I could point to that could explain why this life made sense. There is a great level of foolishness here that can’t be avoided, nor do I want to avoid it. Because as I explained to Steve, God’s grace does not compute in our brains, the math doesn’t work. Works makes sense, or as Matt Chandler brilliantly puts it, moralistic deism. That makes sense, you do good and you get good back. Do bad and you get bad back. But I did bad and God showered me with grace and replaced my heart. I received beauty for ashes and gladness for mourning.

Any good that comes out of my life is a reflection of grace poured out. It’s totally changed my heart, my mind and spirit and I can’t point to any 12 step program that makes you earn it or put God in your debt in any way. I don’t know if that comforted Steve or scared him, but it is what I know to be true.

Now I desire to simply place myself in his hands daily and beg him to work with this gross lump of clay. And because he is a good and loving God he does and it doesn’t make earthly sense, but I love him.

Today marks 8 years of marriage to my beautiful wife Melissa. Much has changed since we married on April 14th, 2001, much has grown, much has been gained and lost. We are now 3 kids deep, we moved from our hometown of Santa Barbara CA to the desert, and I was able to convince Mel to enjoy a lot of foods she vowed she hated when we first met. A couple days ago I talked with my wife and we both agreed that each year we learn something new about each other that causes us to fall deeper in love. I know my wife so much better today than in 2001 and our love truly keeps on growing.

I thought a cool way to tie today’s celebration into ORS would be to take a musical journey through our wedding, the songs we chose and why. So let’s get started.

Wedding party walk in

Ben Harper – The Three of Us (Welcome to the Cruel World)

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I love the vibe of this acoustic instrumental. Felt like a perfect fit for the initial wedding party walk in. Just the right length and everything.

Here comes the bride

Deseree – Kissing You (Supernatural)

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The greatest moment in our wedding, the coolest thing I’ve seen in any wedding, with all due respect to my friends and family who thought they had cool parts in their wedding, this beat em all. My wife starts her walk down the aisle from this trail (actually called the Campos trail) that winds down the hill from above the grass area the wedding is at. This song is playing as she walks down the path, obstructed by trees and rock, then emerges and walks across the creek and down the aisle.

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I’m a sucker for some R&B, I dig John Legend. But the thing about R&B is the lyrics are usually the most blunt, abrasive ways to communicate a story. Metaphors and poetic phrasing are of no use to the R&B community. They just go to the basest level of language to express themselves, which is certainly efficient if not tactful. How else do you explain “I wanna make love in dis club“? Tell me how you really feel Usher.

John Legend has this song called Number One, which is sung from the perspective of a cheating boyfriend basically telling his girlfriend to stop whining about him cheating, in fact the opening line is:

You can’t say I don’t love you just because I cheat on you

I always found the song grossly comedic and had a fun time singing it with my wife in the car in jest. But as I was singing the chorus I got convicted that I’ve sang this same chorus to God many times, with the same pathetically transparent BS that John sings with. Tell me if you’ve ever sung this to God during worship:

You know that I love You
There’s no one above You
I said it the last time, that this is the last time
Don’t make me over
Cuz I can be faithful
You’re my number one, You’re my number one

We carry on “struggling” in sin, willfully choosing ourselves over God throughout the week, walk in on Sunday and sing this weak love song claiming that “this is the last time.” We should stop making promises to God we have no intention or ability to keep. Matt Chandler addresses this topic of “white knuckle struggling” where in our flesh we just grit our teeth and repeatedly promise to never do it again. Only to fail time and time again. But as Paul said in Romans 9:16

“So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.”

How do I need to continue to rest in the Holy Spirit and to continually place myself in his hands to form me and shape me. I can’t do it on my own no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want it. Religion is a tricky thing, it’s constantly at our heels, presenting itself as some new level of spirituality. Take me back to your heart Jesus, I have no righteousness in myself.

I’m sitting in Phoenix International Airport for the second time in a week. I’ve been searching for a job for almost 3 months now and I think this season is almost over. I can’t yet speak to where I’ll be but I can see God shaping some things that make me very excited. You’ll have to excuse my cryptic nature but nowadays companies google you in addition to their background checks, so I can’t say too much yet when I haven’t officially accepted an offer. When it’s finally over I have some great stories to tell.

With that said I apologize for the slow pace of posting this week. It’s been one of the most stressful, busiest times of my life, on the phone all day, driving, flying, interviewing, negotiating, praying, leading worship… I much prefer that to the depressing silence in December though. Thank you Jesus for your provision, grace, mercy and love.

If you haven’t already checked it out, goto www.iamsecond.com I’m sure it will encourage you as it did me.

I was asked recently what one thing I would thank God for, other than his Son, when we meet in heaven. My answer was grace. Because of it I’ve received all things and my family is the most precious, beautiful evidence of it. Thank you God for your grace that has given me my family. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Excuse my hair