Our Rising Sound » funny

Video: Worst Church Singer – killer falsetto!

Kyle — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:00:02 +0000

No seriously…he’s killing me with that falsetto.

Video: Epic local guitar store product demo

Kyle — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 20:21:35 +0000

It doesn’t get any better than this intro. And Mr Ballew, if you did ask yourself that question “Have you got that tone?” I don’t think you were honest with yourself. Just watch the first couple minutes…hilarious.

Video: Little kid shows us what “Nu Thang” God is up to

Kyle — Tue, 03 May 2011 18:25:29 +0000

I’m nearly certain this is a young Michael P. Vigilante . In a related note, I’m so glad my youth was lived out away from video cameras.

Band photo from the retro-future

Kyle — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 19:12:40 +0000

So many great things happening here…

[via PoorlyDressed.com]

Michael P. Vigilante III terrorizing the dance floor with Mighty to Save (Video)

Kyle — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 16:00:36 +0000

What a perfect stage name. Michael P. Vigilante III takes no prisoners on the dance floor. Back up off him! Make sure you don’t stop watching until you get through the breakdown, Mikey does the Holy Ghost jig.

[via PA]

Video: Atheist Song – First hymnal for Atheists (Steve Martin)

Kyle — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:22:15 +0000

Beautiful.

Miracle Gel – Supernaturally balanced with the anointing of God!

Kyle — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 17:59:28 +0000

Somehow this bottle of magic Miracle Gel came into my possession, don’t ask me how. I can’t believe I’ve lived my life all these years without this incredible product. Apparently it contains the very essence of God itself plus additional natural minerals, organics and eloptic energy(see below) if God’s anointing just isn’t enough for you. Better safe than sorry I suppose. All for the low low price of $16 per bottle! Before you run off an order you own bottle of Miracle II Neutralizer Gel, let me share some priceless details.

You can rest easy because Miracle Gel comes “pH – Supernaturally Balanced“, but the real genius is on the back of the bottle.

Transcript of the ingredients:

Contains: Prayer – Electrically engineered eloptic energized stabilized oxygenated water – Ash of Dedecyl solution – Calcium – Potassium – Magnesium (Carbopol) And the Anointing of God. Miracle II contains and holds spiritual and eloptic energy beyond measure for a miracle for your body.

For those of us who aren’t crazy and didn’t already know, eloptic energy is harvested from the stars. Why settle for anything else really? I demand star power in all my neutralizing gels!

Auto-tune news: Bed intruder/Antoine Dodson (Video & Ringtone download)

Kyle — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:49:48 +0000

I love auto-tune news, it just never gets old. The original news story is hilarious (no there’s nothing funny about rape, glad the woman is safe and unharmed of course), but the victim’s brother, Antoine Dodson…that guy kills me. Painful laughing. Here’s the slick auto-tune version, with a killer remix at the end.

Also I created a iPhone ringtone from this video, download it and enjoy. Here’s a mp3 version of the ringtone for you non-iPhone peeps.

Orchestra Fail … epic song meets epic fail

Kyle — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 04:23:02 +0000

Nearly wet myself. Ha-larious.

[via FAILblog]

Powerful new worship song, “I think I’m gonna throw up”

Kyle — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:04:43 +0000

Laugh, cry, throw up…do whatever you think is appropriate in response…in Jesus name of course

[via sahdpdx]

Drummer makes sure not to over do it (Video)

Kyle — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:30:30 +0000

This is the kind of subtle approach I look for in a drummer. Considering adding this to our worship training material.

Swagger Wagon – My life anthem (Video)

Kyle — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:33:12 +0000

It’s scary how accurately this portrays my family. I indeed drive a Sienna, ain’t no shame in my game.

Jesus isn’t the only one to walk on water (Video)

Kyle — Fri, 14 May 2010 19:24:22 +0000

But let’s see these punks command the weather while walking on water….ah ha! Jesus FTW!

Taiwanese boy sings Whitney Houston (Video)

Kyle — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:18:02 +0000

You have to overlook the multiple levels of wrongness to appreciate this video. Taiwan’s national sport is kareoke so in many ways this video doesn’t surprise me at all. But remove it from the bizarro world that is the Taiwanese music scene and you are faced with the cold hard facts…that this little boy is singing, and singing well a Whitney Houston cover that’s the gold standard of vocal ability for all our divas. It makes me feel akward, uncomfortable, intreagued and has me reaching for Kevin Costner all at the same time.

Prosperity Gospel’s new marketing campaign

Kyle — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 15:42:30 +0000

Creflo and Kenny makin the hard sell.

[via FAIL blog]

Top 5 Thanksgiving turkey dinner worship songs

Kyle — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:45:32 +0000

(Report of original posted in 2008)

There are plenty of lists out there talking about “thanksgiving” worship songs, as in giving thanks to the Lord. That’s all wonderful stuff, but I think the question people are really asking is, what does the church have to sing about the actual Thanksgiving dinner. America has some of the best holidays, and thanksgiving dinner deserves to be sung about. Here are the top 5 worship songs for Thanksgiving dinner:

1. Hungry (Kathryn Scott)

This song is a perfect set opener, it acknowledges what we’re all here for. We’re hungry and we want turkey, it’s that simple. I think this song captures it perfectly:

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy
I am empty but I know your love does not run dry
So I wait for you, so I wait for you

Turkey always satisfies. Nothing better than a moist, properly cooked turkey, so I like the stance of faith this song takes and says, “turkey you will NOT run dry.” Lord knows there is also a lot of waiting, patience is so key on this holy turkey day. I end up repeating that last refrain over and over, “so I wait..for you…so I wait…”

2. O Taste and See (Jenn Johnson)

Romans 1:20 says that “God’s eternal power and divine nature have been clearly perceived since the creation of the world in the things that have been made.” Nowhere is that more clearly seen than in turkey meat. This song challenges us to taste and see God’s goodness, his eternal power and divine nature inside that turkey. And just as Romans says, once we do, we are without excuse.

O taste and see that the Lord is good
O taste and see that the Lord is good to me
You have turned my mourning into dancing put of my rags and clothed with gladness

The “clothing of gladness” sung here is obviously a metaphor for gravy. I love to clothe my entire plate with gladness gravy.

3. How Can I Be Satisfied (Kevin Prosch)

This song addresses a practical problem we all face in Thanksgiving. Not stuffing our fat stomachs to the absolute breaking point. Ecclesiastes 3 says there’s “a time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to eat healthy and a time to eat turkey until you eat yourself into a coma and beg God for mercy on your bowels.” I love how Kevin hits this head on.

I as a son present my complaint
won’t you bend down your ears and hear me
I’ve cried out for more, there has to be more
enlarge my portion come near me
…How can I be satisfied?

4. All Creatures of Our God and King

We can’t minimize the turkey’s act of sacrifice and worship to God on this day. It really is a powerful example of laying our lives down for the glory of God. Thank you turkey for your obedience and for your tasty thighs.

All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing
O praise Him, Hallelujah

5. Obsession (Delirious)

Heart burn is a serious issue on Thanksgiving. I don’t think we as a church can choose to ignore it’s impacts in our culture, we have to be able to approach it with a Godly perspective.

You come and free my like a bird
And my heart burns for you
And my heart burns for you

When you’re reclining in your parents old, tattered, smelly, but incredibly comfortable lazyboy, with a bloated stomach and heart burn, remember what Paul says in Romans 5, “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing sufferings produces endurance…”

Any more suggestions for this compilation?

Griffin asks me to destroy their product, need your ideas

Kyle — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 18:42:33 +0000

My mother purchased this nice little Griffin wireless sound system for her iPod (Evolve). Unfortunately the dock connector broke rendering it pretty much useless. Mom talked with Griffin and their spectacular customer support said. “We’ll replace it. Just destroy the base unit and send us the pics.” Say no more Griffin, these are the kinds of tasks mother’s have sons for. I was born for this, the upward calling of destruction.

I want to get you guys involved, what kind of ideas do you have for destroying it? Set it on fire then drown it, then beat it with a crappy windows laptop? Let’s have it folks, the most creative (workable) idea wins. I’ll document the destruction and give credit where credit is due.

Comment with ideas.

What’s the worst thing in your iPod?

Kyle — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 18:17:51 +0000

I realized as I was listening to my iTunes on shuffle is that I have some real garbage in there and I don’t know how it got there. My tweet about it got some feedback that I wasn’t the only one with this issue. So I want to know, what tracks in your music collection have you throw up in your mouth a little bit each time it comes on and make you wonder how that sick song crawled into your rotation? The following are the worst 5 songs in my collection and I have no good excuse for why they are in there:

1. Haddaway – What Is Love?

If I were a sketch comedian I might have an excuse. But Night at the Roxbury was cool like what 10 years ago? My only defense is I have this track unchecked. A brief moment of sanity in an otherwise bat crazy decision.

2. Dawn Penn – You Don’t Love Me

Wut the….how the…where the….why is this track within 10 laptops of me? Some one slipped me a rufee and popped this in my iTunes and somehow rigged it so it comes on EVERY TIME I shuffle. There’s only a couple acceptable raggae artists and this isn’t one of them.

3. Dirty Vegas – Days Go By

Ok yeah I get it, it was a big hit for a while. But I never even liked this song. I’m chalking this one up to some friend’s wedding I dj’d and they made a special request. I can’t be held responsible for this.

4. Duncan Sheik – On a High

I must have been on a high when I purchased this one. Yes kids, the evidence comes back this was purchased by me. This proves total human depravity more than any other experiential evidence ever could.

5. Boyz II Men – End of the Road

No this isn’t cool, not even in a reminiscent sense. Confession: I remember playing this in the background as I talked to ladies on the phone when I was in middle school. I was Leon Phelps smooth. Double Halfway confession: I actually did this first in the 5th grade to a much worse song that I will take to the grave. I’ll never tell, my mom reads this blog for heaven’s sake. Mom aren’t you amazed I made it through?

one more as a special bonus…

6. Randy Travis – Open the Eyes of My Heart

If Jesus would have opened the ears of my head up I would have nothing to do with this track. This officially marked Open the Eyes of My Heart covers had run their course. The Randy growl going into the chorus does bring a smile to my face for all the wrong reasons. Lord I apologize, I should have stopped at 5.

Ok so let’s hear it, don’t be embarrassed we all have our musical skeletons in the closet. What’s the worst in your collection?

Pastor Anderson pisseth all over himself after getting tazed

Kyle — Fri, 15 May 2009 21:10:13 +0000

Pastor Anderson, the “baptist preacher” (quotes intentional) famous for his “pisseth against the wall” and amazing guitar lessons videos, just came out with another brilliant video. This time he tells the story of him getting tazed by border patrol agents after he refused to let them search his car. Can someone please give this guy a reality show? Few things I learned about Pastor Anderson here:

He’s just as passionate about his right to be a moron and refuse to follow federal agents instructions as he is about proper male urinating technique.
He’s not that tough, that’s not a beating.
He drives a car even though cars are not specifically mentioned as profitable in the KJV bible.

UPDATE:

Here’s actual footage of the event.

Reformed contextualization FAIL

Kyle — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:28:05 +0000

Calvin would NOT be proud of this.

[via FAILBlog]

Heavy metal monk terrifies Satan

Kyle — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:51:04 +0000

This monk figured he’d beat Satan at his own game, a little musical/spiritual jujitsu. The demon scream at the end had Satan wetting himself in fear.

[via BoingBoing]

Picture of me in my studio…it was a late night

Kyle — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:43:58 +0000

Here I am in my studio layin down some nasty loops, the paper bag has built in headphones and mic, so that’s pretty handy.

[via FAIL]

Father stabs son after he refused to take off hat in church

Kyle — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:21:39 +0000

When I first started leading worship in high school I led worship with a hat on backwards once. It was the nineties cut me some slack, plus I was an idiot. Anyway someone left the church because of that. Now reading that this guy stabbed his own son for just being in church with a hat on makes me feel soooo thankful that all that person did was leave. To add insult to injury, the dad stabbed him in the butt.

Video: How not to use a microphone

Kyle — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:14:14 +0000

We like to give tips on gear, software, songwriting, loops, you name it. Something often overlooked is how to properly hold and speak/sing into a microphone. Here is a demonstration on how not to use a microphone.

Musicians are so last year, thanks MSFT Songsmith

Kyle — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 15:00:14 +0000

Microsoft is so cute, in that pathetic sort of way. They want so badly to be cool like their big brother Apple. I present to you….Songsmith.

[via blogtown.portlandmercury.com by way of James]

Belated Christmas gift to all my readers

Kyle — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 19:09:53 +0000

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas, but something tells me it was incomplete. In fact I know it was because you haven’t yet received my gift. I was thinking of giving you all $50 gift certificates to iTunes or something like that but that seemed all to impersonal(and valuable). Then I found a video that just expresses my admiration and love for you all so much better than any expensive gift could have.

So I present you with this video of a, ummm, a dude singing O Holy Night in a creepy female voice and with an even creepier come hither stare. Note to Nick, Celine Dion didn’t write O Holy Night.

But WAIT you’re not done unwrapping this gift yet, there’s more. Here’s All I Want for Christmas is You, and to add to the creep factor…a nice green sweater vest. You can send me your thank you cards in the comments.

Free Christmas Music: 8 Bit Jesus

Kyle — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:31:42 +0000

What’s better than classic Christmas songs done 8-bit Nintendo game style? Definitely beats the awful Kenny G Christmas music my mom used to play. Still haven’t forgiven her for that. You can’t pass up this free offer with tracks like:

[via Synthtopia]

Video: Worst performance of O Holy Night ever!

Kyle — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:45:44 +0000

This is what my Christmas service nightmares look and sound like.

Him that pisseth on thy guitar is blessed!

Kyle — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:30:50 +0000

One of my favorite local pastors is Pastor Steven L. Anderson of Faithful Word Baptist Church. It was love at first sight when I read their inviting tagline, “Don’t expect anything contemporary or liberal.” I mean that’s powerful, warm and loving all at the same time! Except I have noticed they do use some contemporary things like blogs, You Tube, websites, cameras, microphones etc… Pastor Anderson of course is best known for his “pisseth against the wall” sermon, but is quickly gaining notoriety for his guitar instructional videos. Pastor Anderson does make certain to explain that they do not play any guitar in their services, but if you find yourself in a more appropriate guitar playing situation like out in the woods where there is no organ you might find playing hymns on acoustic handy(I’m not making this up, just watch).

Worship leaders make sure and use this video as a mentoring tool for those up and coming worship leaders. You can thank me and Pastor Anderson later.

Jesus can’t figure out the theramin either

Kyle — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:24:10 +0000

I can tell by the look on Jesus’ face he’s struggling to find the appropriate time to introduce the theramin into the arrangement the angels are singing around his throne. Wish I could help you out Jesus but I still don’t get that instrument, it’s like a magical toy still to me.

Jesus trying to remember why he created this instrument.

Our Rising Sound » funny

Video: Worst Church Singer – killer falsetto!

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Band photo from the retro-future

[via PoorlyDressed.com]

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Michael P. Vigilante III terrorizing the dance floor with Mighty to Save (Video)

[via PA]

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Video: Atheist Song – First hymnal for Atheists (Steve Martin)

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Miracle Gel – Supernaturally balanced with the anointing of God!

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Auto-tune news: Bed intruder/Antoine Dodson (Video & Ringtone download)

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Orchestra Fail … epic song meets epic fail

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Powerful new worship song, “I think I’m gonna throw up”

[via sahdpdx]

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Drummer makes sure not to over do it (Video)

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Swagger Wagon – My life anthem (Video)

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Jesus isn’t the only one to walk on water (Video)

Related posts

Taiwanese boy sings Whitney Houston (Video)

Related posts

Prosperity Gospel’s new marketing campaign

[via FAIL blog]

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Top 5 Thanksgiving turkey dinner worship songs

1. Hungry (Kathryn Scott)

2. O Taste and See (Jenn Johnson)

3. How Can I Be Satisfied (Kevin Prosch)

4. All Creatures of Our God and King

5. Obsession (Delirious)

Related posts

Griffin asks me to destroy their product, need your ideas

Related posts

What’s the worst thing in your iPod?

1. Haddaway – What Is Love?

2. Dawn Penn – You Don’t Love Me

3. Dirty Vegas – Days Go By

4. Duncan Sheik – On a High

5. Boyz II Men – End of the Road

6. Randy Travis – Open the Eyes of My Heart

Related posts

Pastor Anderson pisseth all over himself after getting tazed

Related posts

Reformed contextualization FAIL

[via FAILBlog]

Related posts

Heavy metal monk terrifies Satan

[via BoingBoing]

Related posts

Picture of me in my studio…it was a late night

[via FAIL]

Related posts

Father stabs son after he refused to take off hat in church

Related posts

Video: How not to use a microphone

Related posts

Musicians are so last year, thanks MSFT Songsmith

[via blogtown.portlandmercury.com by way of James]

Related posts

Belated Christmas gift to all my readers

Related posts

Free Christmas Music: 8 Bit Jesus

[via Synthtopia]

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Video: Worst performance of O Holy Night ever!

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Him that pisseth on thy guitar is blessed!

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Jesus can’t figure out the theramin either