May 28 2010
How I deal with people leaving the church because of the music
Tagged Under : A29, charismatic, church, leadership, reformed
I’ve said previously on this blog that as a worship leader you are most likely the second most popular reason people leave the church, behind the pastor. You may be the first, depending on how lucky you are. I’ve also said that fact is the thing I dislike most about being a worship leader. It comes with the territory of being in ministry but it doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable.
My first experience in this was when I was leading worship at a Vineyard my dad pastored. I was probably only 15 at the time and I wore a hat backwards on this particular day(lame I know). The couple approached my father and relayed how offended they were that I’d were a hat in service and vowed never to return. 15 years later and hearing people leave because of me, my music, or my expression still hurts. I hate hearing it.
Now I’m an elder and worship pastor at a Reformed Charismatic church in the A29 network and I get to hear this from both sides. We are probably the most expressive in our worship of the A29 churches in Phoenix. Lots of hands lifted, tears, clapping, shouting, people on their knees, that kind of thing. We play long and loud worship sets with the lights down. So you’d think this would be fine for Charismatic types right? Well we sing about the cross a lot, we re-arrange hymns, we try and make sure everything is Christ centered and doctrinally sound. We don’t play Jesus is my boyfriend songs and we don’t let people run around crazy with banners and shouting in tongues. So for a lot of Charismatic types, they think we don’t “operate in our gifting” or that we stifle the gifts somehow.
Then the reformed guys that look us up on the A29 site come and see our club looking building, hear the really loud music, see the emotional expressiveness and they get uncomfortable really fast. We haven’t really had one of those A29 families stick in our church and it’s primarily due to me and the music. They love the preaching and teaching, they hear the gospel, but the music just pushes them to a level of uncomfortableness that they just can’t get past.
The temptation for me here is to grow callous and have a “this is the way it is, take it or leave it” attitude. And while I believe that is true to an extent(I’ll explain that below), I want my heart to be soft and my tactics malleable. In practice that means I am constantly evaluating why we do music the way we do, listening to the critique and searching scripture and praying for direction in how we worship musically. There is however some truth to this “being the way it is” and all I mean by that is, God has gifted me and our band in certain ways, gave us a conviction and sent us on mission. We didn’t arrive at that by taking a community poll, but rather by praying to Jesus and having him reveal it. So at some level, yes, this is who we are and I know it won’t appeal to everyone, maybe not even most. But I also know I and the church are still growing in many areas and we have a lot to learn. So when people leave and point to me, I want that to sting, I want to take it to Jesus and see if there’s anything I could have done differently or better.
Recently though a family visited who had found us through A29 and after meeting with the family the father said this to me(paraphrasing), “I loved that the gospel was preached and we felt at home right when we walked in, everyone was so kind. But honestly the worship made me very uncomfortable.” At this point I’m thinking, oh no, I know how this is going to end. But then he surprised me and said, “But I felt comfortable in my uncomfortableness, because it was all Christ centered. I want to thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone.” To be honest I’ve never heard that kind of encouragement from traditional reformed that visit our church. I was so blessed and humbled by this family’s example of love for Jesus and the gospel that all they needed was for it to be Christ centered and they were comfortable amidst a musical style and degree of expressiveness that made them uncomfortable.
I pray that God would keep me humble and sensitive to His direction in how we worship musically. And that God would protect my heart from bitterness and pride when I hear critique or people leave the church because of me. Not easy or fun stuff, by I’m thankful for it.
Worship leaders, how are you effected and how do you process someone walking out the door with their finger pointed at you?
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I think you're right on with the whole thing about constantly praying, seeking God, listening for the direction He wants to point you towards, then doing that. If you're doing that, plus the leadership is doing the same thing …. then it's really easy to commiserate with the individual, but still be able to say "here's what we do, and here's why."
My recent post Pennsylvania on Foursquare
Great stuff Kyle. If the team is praying & seeking God’s direction, then we are confident in Him. I pray God helps more of us become comfortable with our uncomfortableness!
It's really good to know you're in good company…
In an obscure LETTER (found in the book "God In The Dock"), CS Lewis wrote to those who would leave church over such trivial matters: "If we cannot lay down our tastes, along with other carnal baggage at the church door, surely we should at least bring them in to be humbled and, if necessary, modified, not to be indulged?"
My recent post Opposites…
Kyle, Thanks. I'm encouraged by two things in this regard 1. a small group of those "advanced in years" that have weathered some of the changes in worship over the past many years. Sure they love old hymns and don't like new rhythms, etc. But seeing them continue to sing and worship in new ways is always encouraging to me when someone leaves or takes issue with what goes on in our gathering. Recently, I've also been studying Genesis with my life group and reading a new (posthumously published) Martyn Lloyd Jones book on the same. In it, he had this great quote "We do not gather in church simply to sing and persuade ourselves that all is well and feel a little happier." Those wise and senior saints have long lived that in being part of a church. Their discomfort is not enough to push them away, but pushes me to find new and better ways to help lead them to the cross in worship. Thanks for your post and encouragement.
My recent post Carefully Choosing the Pronouns of Our Worship
Thanks Jarrod. Yes, becoming comfortable in our uncomfortableness is a good and Godly thing.
that's a great quote, thanks for that,
I'm so thankful to be blissfully unaware if anyone has left because of me or our band's style, I don't doubt it, I have been slightly shaken for not playing enough hymns by an x-CIA agent in his 80's, but he hasn't left yet. haha. I've really thought a lot about how and why we do music the way we do too, and I never want my style to be my top agenda, I want to be flexible, but not out of my depth either. 2 really encouraging for me on this topic: There is one mediator between God and man, a favorite song or style of music isn't your mediator, so whether or not we like a style or song, we are individually responsible to engage with God. I never want to make it harder for people, but this freed me up from worring too much about trying to be someone I'm not. The other is the support of your pastor and elders, which it sounds like you have…
My recent post Some good and some bad news…
For years I've met weekly with our pastor, I want to always be sure to be representing our leaders vision for the style of our church, submitting myself to them for me is safe. Anyways thanks for your post, it's encouraging and something I always want to be talking with the Lord about, so it's a good reminder!
P.S.- isn't it so weird that we're worship consumers, I mean I get it, I like what I like, but it is kinda weird and maybe sad… I'd love to see you write a post on that:)
My recent post Some good and some bad news…