I love that I serve a God who’s never through showing more of himself. The more I long to see something new, something unseen by myself, something for the present day, He blossoms something in my spirit. These past months have been an extremely difficult time for me personally, while being an incredible growth period spiritually. A few lines had come to me in one of my prayer times that has been on replay in my heart:

“God I know your truth, but I need it spoken in me. I know your love, but I need you wrapped around me. Give life to what’s weak, and be lifted as I speak.”

Fast forward to our discipleship meeting this past week and Pastor Aaron was leading out of 1 Peter 5, here are the first 4 verses:

1 To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ’s sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed: 2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. 

The phrase “Chief Shepherd” just jumped out to me, I thought it such an interesting name for God. So I just began to search myself on it and God began to reveal some stuff to me right there. Many of you may be aware that the position of worship leader in the church is not literally ordained scripturally, although there were many leaders in worship in scripture. Now along this line there is a wide spectrum of interpretation. From churches who don’t believe any instruments should be played, to just some instruments and not others, to do whatever you want basically. My point is not to debate the validity of any point in that spectrum but to show what I believe God revealed to me about the flaw in what I had allowed to become a belief. I use the word “allowed” because I don’t think I made a conscious effort to believe the way I had, rather it was a passive and evolved view.

What had seeped into me is that in many ways what we do in ministry is a tactic of modern church and God is not concerned with the tactic but the fruit, heart and spirit of the tactic. While I believe that to largely be true I think I became out of balance in that in some aspects to the point where I felt God had left me to my own tactics, music included. That not only was God not concerned by the tactics or ministry strategy, he wasn’t really much involved at that stage beyond inspiration and some remote guidance. Almost as if God would give me a little encouraging slap on the butt in the physical and say, “I’ll meet you in the spiritual end zone”. I don’t know if I can really explain it all that well, but that’s my best attempt.

Here’s how the scripture above totally jacks that up. Peter addresses God as commander of the specific ministry, Chief of Shepherds, shepherding being the ministry or tactic. What God began to reveal to me is that there’s nothing I can do righteously in the Father’s name without Jesus already having done it and been appointed as chief. If I am sent by God then His presence does not lift until His purpose is fulfilled, as long as I don’t step outside his will. If I’m sent by the Spirit to my neighbor’s house to mow his lawn for the glory of God, then God is Chief Landscaper. He leads every blade of grass being cut and willed it as so. How incredibly arrogant and prideful for me to believe I could even mow a lawn without God. I can’t do anything.

Likewise in my music, I had cast aside my music as personal style, un-important to others, un-important to God and that God only cared about the goal of the music and that it be done in excellence. I can no longer say that. When I write worship songs, I believe and now must admit God is Chief Songwriter, when I play, Chief Musician. If he’s not leading me in the physical act, the tactic, then it’s worthless and the fruit will prove that. (I’m not claiming God writes my songs or plays my guitar…I hate having to even say that, but I know someone will read and mis-interpret this, sorry in advance)

This is important to me because I had felt somewhat abandoned in my music. That what I did physically was trivial. Now I humbly believe God is on me, within me, He’s concerned with what I say next, He’s eager to hear what I play next to him. He finds joy in my abandonment, He is honored when I practice a solo, He is moved when I write songs for His glory. He’s not waiting on the sidelines to see how it all turns out, I believe God is along for the entire journey, the messy middle part where our flesh battles our spirit. I need God there, I couldn’t continue to do this without Him in the thick of things. This isn’t a radical change or departure in belief, but rather a crucial adjustment to remain balanced. God saw me angled off course and by His grace corrected me.

Thank you Father, for your truth spoken in me, your love wrapped around me, for giving life to my weakness, be lifted.

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